| Update. |
[28 Dec 2008|01:07pm] |
|
I haven't really "updated" about life in a while, so I figured I'd do so. My last real entry update said that Riley and I were over for good. Well, it wasn't true. Haha, old habits die hard, and it died pretty hard the last time. After school ended we started talking again sometime in the Summer. July I think. Everything was going well, then the inevitable happened again, as it always seemed to do. The cycle continued and our relationship went to ashes once again. Basically he was telling me one thing and other people another thing. Sketchy and two-faced and not my cup of tea. We ended up being in two classes together the first semester of our second year. I finally lightened up again and decided to try to be his friend. Everything was fine, but the familiarity of each other engulfed us once again. We were civil, but at the same time we were both falling back into the all too familiar cycle again. We hung out one night after class, and were acting like everything was back to the way it used to be. Not even a week later he got with his roommate, a girl, who I had been skeptical of for the last year of our relationship. Boy did I feel stupid. I didn't talk to him for over a month, ignoring all forms of contact he was throwing my way and finally I answered him one night a couple weeks ago. Of course he realizes what a mistake he made and wants me back, blahblahblah, but I don't know. For the first time in my life I can honestly and truely say that I strictly see him as a friend now. I never thought that day would come let alone one could ever be friends with someone who they once felt strongly about. Of course its when he's ready to bow down at my feet and do anything for me. Life is so confusing, I tell ya. The one thing I always wanted I don't want anymore. Oh well. I've learned a lot from the whole situation and am definitely a lot stronger because of it. At least I got my best friend back. I guess what they say is right - be careful what you wish for because it might just come true. Anyway. Semester 3 has been completed at USF. All A's and a B in Chem. Gross. I work at a tanning place now, and Publix on the side. Um, everything else is still pretty much the same though. Same core group of friends, with some new additions here and there and yeah. Lately my life has been drama filled, which is not my style if you will, so it's time to remove myself from the situation. I don't understand why people can't just be real instead of telling everyone a different story. Isn't it easier to keep track of truths than lies? But then again I guess when one does it enough it becomes a pretty natural thing. Bwahah I don't know anymore, all I know is its not gonna get me down! Vague vague vague. But I'm not one to drop names or point fingers, but yeahhhhhhhh. Lame.
|
|
| Too deep for LJ. Maybe I'll be a writer. |
[18 Aug 2008|05:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
It happened... Again. We were having a perfectly good day, or so I thought. One can never really be too sure for his ability to conceal emotion is unrealistic. Put another way then, I was having a good day and will just assume for him the same. Anyway, as the fun was winding down an all too familiar train wreck occurred. An evil demon crept in making its presence known at all levels while completely consuming every positive aspect that the day had held just seconds before. It’s amazing the damage done by both the mention of and obsession with drugs. Addiction is an evil, evil thing, and whether it truly exists or not, I personally will never know. There are not too many things I know for certain, but one thing I do know is that both its potential and actual destruction is enduring. It seems to me that if one really wanted to stop something, if they really and truly cared, then they would - Wouldn’t they? ‘Addiction’ isn’t THAT powerful is it? I guess never having battled this firsthand I can never know for certain, but I have seen its impact on mine and many other people’s lives. I guess I am just a firm believer in the saying “Where there’s a will there’s a way” – Mind over matter, right? Wrong. Or so it may seem. This is what has been proven to me over and over again. On both second and third hand levels. I wish there was a way I could do something. Why must I always desire to carry another’s burdens as if I don’t already have enough weight on my shoulders as it is? I would give absolutely anything to help him - To ultimately free him from the deadly grasp of the demon. But I can’t. And this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to grasp - To see somebody become that in which they hate. The overall process is quite possibly the most absurd yet understandable thing I have ever had to witness. Absurd in the fact that one has utilized so much time and energy hating something so much and the ultimately become it, and understandable in the fact that that is all they have ever known. From the outside looking in it is really hard to view with a closed mouth. It all feels like a bad dream, you know the one where you open your mouth to scream and nothing comes out? Or it does and nobody takes notice or even hears you to begin with. I understand that everyone has to fight their own battles themselves, it’s just hard to sit back and let it all take place. The pieces will fall how they are meant to fall and whether or not they fall in a way that forces the cycle to continue, so be it. There is nothing that I or anyone else can do to stop it; only he who is battling the demon to begin with can do anything. I have spent far too long catching the suspended pieces as they fell and placing them the way I think they should be, but who am I to determine such a thing? To attempt in taking someone else’s destiny and molding it with my own two hands defies every law of existence. I wish there was a middle ground. Somewhere where I could be there to see it through, but at the same time not be emotionally involved. The only thing that I can think to do is to do everything I can to not feed the addiction. Why be the mirror to another’s shunned actions? Joining in will only do the opposite of what’s intended. I did not feed the addiction today. He was consumed with obsession and I did not back down. I held my ground against weapons of guilt, manipulation, and deceit, which were being fired one after the other at me. Why would I feed the fire that I want so badly to be extinguished? Giving in is always the easiest of options and is the road most often taken. Giving in is a sign of weakness, and although I know I am weak I will never be weak in this sense. There are certain things in life that should be fought with full force and I truly believe that this is one of those things.
|
|
| Its so beautiful to me, but it's nothing I need |
[26 Apr 2008|10:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
Wow. So its been almost three years since I've written in this thing. I wish I would have never stopped. My life now feels like it has a huge gap missing. Not a good feeling. Anyway, a lot has gone on in these past three years. I'm grown up, moved on, moved out, and definitley had my share of ups and downs along the way. I'm guessing the "mystery boy" in my last entry was Jay. That consisted of two weeks of talking, two days of dating, and two months of still "hooking up". Story of my life. After him was this guy Scott which didn't last longer than a couple of months and then Kris who lasted three months. During this time I started working at Publix and I am still there to this day! Two and a half years of monotony. Ha. I just want the stock.. Come on 5 years. Around the same time I started working at Publix I met the love of my life - Riley Murphy. Aww. We were best friends for about a year and then BOOM. He held my hand and we wrote history. =) I lost my virginity to him =O. I was almost 18. Pretty proud of myself if I do say so myself. Our relationship consisted of more ups and downs then most people experience in a lifetime. Waaaaay too much drama for being so young and in love. I'd have to say, however, that I would not change an up for a down any day. What's meant to be will be and right now it is what it is. We broke up many times throughout our relationship, but always ended up back together. We're going on about a month of being separated right now, and I think it might be for good this time, but that's okay. I've always been pretty skeptical on the whole idea of love and its longevity, but I do know that I loved him. I would have done anything for that kid, but sometimes anything is not enough. I guess we'll just see what happens there. For the time being I'm just having fun being single! Not much has changed other than that. I'm in college now - USF and I graduated highschool 11th in my class. As of now I want to be a pharmacist, but that is always suseptible to change. As is everything. My group of friends has almost completely changed from three years ago, but I guess that's life. People drift apart. My true friends have stayed true and I've met a lot of new great ones along the way. I moved out the beginning of the fall semester of college. My mom and I, as always, were not getting along at all. I lived with Riley for about a month prior to that and worked at Aladdin's Hookah Lounge in addition to Publix. I was working 12 hours days at publix followed by a 9 to 2am shift at Aladdin's. I was practically killing myself and I ended up getting really sick. Riley along with the rest of my friends were there for me through it all and helped me pull through. My mom and I get along a little better now and I am definitly not as stressed anymore. The rest of my life is pretty much a blur which is why I regret not keeping up with this. I've stopped going to church, which I'm not very proud of, but one day I will return. Through it all I haven't stopped believing though which is definitly essential. My first year of college is coming to an end this week with only one final. I'm stressing but I will endure. Over the years I've definitly learned a lot, but pretty much I have remained the same. I will write more later.. Alex is here!
|
|
| La la la la .. |
[21 May 2005|03:51pm] |
|
So, I haven't updated in a really really really long time. So I figured it was time to do so. Let's see what's been up. I've been really involved in church, I really enjoy it. I started coaching a 1st-2nd grade softball team which sadly ended today. I'll have a party for them though so that'll be fun. I really had a lot of fun coaching, kids have such innocence. The boys, eh.. I'm just kinda sitting back for the most part. A lot has happened with them in the past few months, but nothing ever ended up working out. BUT, I did meet a great guy, we'll just see how that ends up.. I was grounded for a month for riding in my ex-boyfriend's car.. Yeahhh.. That was a pretty boring time of my life. At that time I was doing bible study though. Dance has ended, the recital was last weekend, and Summer's almost here!! I'll be driving (hopefully) and all will be good. I've been doing a lot of stuff with friends and yeah. Also volunteering at the Lutz fields for service hours. Umm.. My great grandma died, she was 103 almost.. So my mom and I went up to Indiana for the funeral. We got back this morning at 3AM. Jeez. Well, Somee's supposed to come over today so we can study for exams.. JOY. Bye <3
|
|
| the quiet things that no one ever know.. |
[12 Feb 2005|05:20pm] |
|
Saturday night was the Tsunami Relief show. It was AWESOME. There was good music and cute boys, what more could you ask for? Sunday night was Billy's party, that was cool, hung out with Ashley mosta the time. It was fun =] I ate A LOT. This week nothing really happened.. Tuesday was dance, we started our dance for the recital. Uhh, Wednesday was church, no one was really there but it was a really good lesson and I enjoyed it =] Yesterday I went to the Gaither Talent show and sat with Katie and a bunch of other people. I saw lots of people I haven't seen in forever. And I saw KATY! I ♥ her. I liked the drumline the best. My kid is going to do that.. I hope. Haha, I love it. David, Joey, Aaron, and Matt's thing was hilarious!! Oh my gosh. I came home to my baby Laura. She was full of energy and I wasn't. Oh well, tonight I will be. ;] We slept in a twin size bed, that was fun. We cleaned today to NSYNC and yeah, that was fun. Got the job done. Learned the Cha cha slide, Haha.. Now we won't be retarded doing it. Ramil, Ashley and Ryan came over today. We finally got "stuff done" but went through a lot of pain in the mean time. Ryan is an abuser. lol. Umm.. Tonight is a party, I'll tell more about it later. And tomorrow is church. =] <3
|
|
| Have another drink and drive yourself home.. |
[04 Feb 2005|09:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 energetic |
] |
So. Wow, I haven't updated in a long time. Last weekend I didn't really do anything besides having Casey and Lauren over to study and of course church. Sunday night at church I made a big mistake, but it will go unspoken; no one seems to care anyway. Nick, Mikey, James, and Aaron stopped by too. That was cool. Tuesday Casey and I stayed to watch Lacrosse, but didn't really get to see anything. Wednesday was church and Steve came with me -- Cool Kid :] And Thursday Casey and I stayed after for Lacrosse and went the the Bean's house to watch videos on Lacrosse. I really like it and I hope I can play =] Finger's crossed. Tonight was the Talent Show at Freedom. SooO much fun. Bullet Blue Sky blew everyone away, well at least me. lol. They were AWESOME. There was a lot of other good talent, everyone was, it was a tough decision. But it was so much fun. I went with Casey and Allie and then Katie sat with us, awesome girl right there!! =] Tomorrow is the Tsunami Relief Show, can't wait, and Sunday is the SuperBowl Party at Billy's. There's a quick wrap-up and I'm out. Peace♥
|
|
| Girl's just wanna have fuh-un. |
[23 Jan 2005|01:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 grateful |
] |
So last night I went to the movies/mall with Laura and Casey =] Lots of good times, and embarrassing ones with me spilling my drink in the middle of the food court =[ Here's some pics..
( Girl's night out )
|
|
| Mirror, mirror; have a got it? |
[22 Jan 2005|11:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
Hey everyone. It's been a long time since I've updated.. Sunday I got payed a special visit by someone =] That was nice. Uhh, MOnday Laura and I went to the mall, I only spent 40$ GO ME. Tuesday was dance, I'm STILL sore, it hurts so bad to laugh. Wednesday was church. I started crying at church because of the sermon and KC.It really got to me and basically what Kelly said was the we don't realize all that God's given us and that really got to me because I am so fortunate and I don't thank him enough. KC was really upset about Matt and I got upset seeing him upset like that. I've never seen him like that and it was really hard. Ashley told me that the reason I got upset was because I care for him and I take his feelings as my own. She said that when me and him started going out I was happy, she was happy, when we broke up, I was sad, she was sad. After church it was the first time I really talked to him in a long time, probably since a couple days after we broke up. That was really nice and I was happy. It took a big burden off me and did more good than bad, sure I miss it, but I'm glad we're still friends. The way he was talking to me made me want it all back, but I know that I'd just be setting myself up for a fall again and I'm okay with that. Jack texted at like 11:30 saying "the kid had died". I started shaking uncontrollably, my heart dropped and was beating rapidly. I called over to KC's house, but he was sleeping. I talked to his mom for like 6 minutes about it. I really hope that he's doing okay. Thursday my mom printed me out some articles about Matt and I just started crying when I read them. What made me mad is a comment someone had and it was really rude. I didn't know him so ya'll probably think I'm crazy, but I was just thinking about all those that did. I ran into Matt Campbell walking to my class and I just went in his arms and cried. =[ Friday I got back my World History test, 105% baby!! And my Algebra II quiz I got a 110% on. =] I was happy. Umm, I went over to Lindsay's house after school and then we went to the Cheerleading competition, Freedom did horrible, but it was still fun. Bloomingdale was awesome and didn't even drop a stunt, unbelievable. They were the only team who didn't. Afterwards, we went to Ruby Tuesday's and split a dessert thing. Then we went to blockbuster, got Wicker Park and then went back to her house. Watched Wicker Park and I fell asleep =[ That was a confusing movie anyway. I don't even remember going to Lindsay's bed, I think she carried me or something. This morning we had to wake up at 9:30 because she had to go babysit and now I'm here. Tonight I should be doing something with Casey, Bryce, and Alex; probably movie or somethin'. That should be fun =] *
♥
|
|
| Baby, you're the wrong that feels so right. |
[15 Jan 2005|09:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
groggy |
] |
Soo.. A lot has been going on lately. I'm pretty stressed about some things, but I know that they will all work themselves out eventually. They always do =] Anyway, Richard and I are getting somewhat better, I don't know his say on all this so I'm not sure if we are "cool" or not. Different perceptions, ya know. Oh well, only time will tell. I called Mikey up the other night, me and him are kinda good I guess again, at least I know we're still friends. Alex is such a great friend, =] I ♥ him. Um.. Church was on Wednesday, it was good to see all those people again. Matt was there too =] He's gunna start coming and that makes me happy. *SOMEONE* is coming to church with me next Wednesday!! Yay!! So today's my birthday. I didn't do anything, I'll have a big party in a couple weeks. I gotta get it all planned. It was just another day, it will be good when I can actually drive, then it will hit me that I'm 16. Well, I'm gunna go. Happy birthday to me ♥
|
|
| I always stay when I should leave.. |
[08 Jan 2005|10:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
So much for my happy, positive mood. PMS is mean. =[
I'm at my dad's house now. Pat was supposed to spend the night, but he doesn't like my idea of a sleepover. Aaron's stupid, and Nick shoots girls. Alex is probably staying at Freedom and that makes me happy =] I'm gunna tutor him!! =] This is so exciting. Yayay. And Abby is my editor. Um, yeah. Anyway, school was alright this week. I'm staying on top of things which is good. Except for Chemistry. I slept on the first day and now I'm lost so I just sleep everyday now. There's no way I'm going to catch up right now. Wednesday was church. I sat with Macy and Matt was there!! I love church =] Next Saturday is my birthday. I'll be 16. Yay, finally!! Today I celebrate Christmas and my brithday with my dad's family. $$$ Cha-ching. Mmhmm. I have Philosophy now which is cool. There's a lot of cool people in there. It seems like it will be a fun class, very opinionated. Well that's about it. ♥
|
|
| Cuz this is what you're getting.. |
[02 Jan 2005|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
At least whichever way this works out,
it will be the way it's supposed to be.
And with that I'm through
♥
|
|
| I hope you're choking.. |
[02 Jan 2005|04:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
Soo last night I had a pretty rough night. I just lost it. I guess it needed to come out. Not to mention, that time of the month is nearing, so I was extra sensative. Go figure. I was just thinking back to all the mistakes I've made and wondering if I've really ever learned from them. I know that everything happens for a reason and that in every experience there's always a lesson to be learned, but it seems as though I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I need to stop dwelling on how things could have been and learn to accept what is. There's nothing that I can do about the past but apply my obtained knowledge to both the future and present. Ehh.. </3
|
|
| Hope this is what you wanted |
[02 Jan 2005|01:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 flirty |
] |
This is going to be my verse to live by this year.
"Do not boast about tomorrow, For you do
not know what a day may bring forth."
-- Proverbs 27:1
Here are a few New Years Resolutions of mine.
--*Start running again
-*Eat healthy
--*Not overreact about little things
-*Enough with the boys
--*Straight A's
-*Become organized
--*More positive
`more coming soon..
|
|
| God's arms are the perfect place to run.. |
[01 Jan 2005|08:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
Soo. Yesterday was New Year's. I went over to Kaitlyn's house. There was sooo many people there. I got there before everyone, mwahaha. Me, Ash, and Kaitlyn just goofed around, visited the horsies and yeah. Then everyone started showing up and we all had a blast. I told my story 4 times, looking for help. Jack, Ryan, Ash, and Kaitlyn. Haha. Kaitlyn heard it 3 of the 4 times. When the ball dropped we were lonely =[ Everyone was all kissing, siiigh. Oh well. Haha. WHEN THE BALL DROPS!! Lol, Casey!! Then we got drunk ;] and watched Dodgeball. Some people left but most stayed the night. We went up to bed around 3 and danced and sang and took pictures and talked and played "TRUTH OR DARE" AND "I NEVER" but that was boring with three people lol. The boys were outside the door playing nintendo all night. Finally we got to bed around 7AM or atleast I did, lol. Ashley stayed up talking to Jack. I got up around 11, they left me sleeping. We ate and yeah, I was out of it. My mom came and got me, I went home took a nap, Mrs Beverly and family came over and I got 70$ for my birthday and Christmas. Yay. Haha. Well that's about it. Here's some pictures, I'll have more later because my camera sucks and went dead so Ashley and Kaitlyn have most of them. Laterrr ♥
( New Year's! )
|
|
| Like Sleeping Beauty.. |
[30 Dec 2004|01:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
Monday went to Citrus with Laura. Saw Joey, Lauren and Chelsea. Good to see them. I got a jacket, two shirts and some "things". Played airhockey at night and um yeah. Tuesday I hung around and then went to the movies at night. Got there, met up with Ashleigh and thank goodness because none of the other people showed. Hah. She gave me a ride home and all was good. Wednesday I went to Laura's grandparents house and saw all her family. I love being with a family, like all together. It's something that I don't have the opportunity to do. =\ Then I was going to go to church with Alex, Mikey, and Jarrod but they missed their ride and I went up there and yeah.. No one there. I was kinda upset about that, well my mom getting mad at me part. But then they surprised me and Mikey and Alex came over for a little bit. It was really awkward, but oh well. I was happy. I don't know what's going on there, but I guess we'll see eventually. Today I don't know what I'm doing. So gimme a call if you want to do something. ♥
|
|
| Grace like rain |
[26 Dec 2004|04:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
I lost 5 pounds =]
|
|
| Let the romance bleed away.. |
[25 Dec 2004|10:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
joyful! |
] |
Um. So the other day I went over to Casey's house. We relived the old days and hid in her closet so I would maybe be able to spend the night. We used to take tape recorders in there and yeah. Closets were fun. We hardly fit now. Haha. It ALMOST worked ;] Jon pushed the mattress up and locked us in. Her and Matt are good again so I'm glad! =] Casey, call me with the details!!
So today was Christmas, no kidding. AND Abby's birthday.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBY RANDALL III! Hehe. Last night my Uncle Ed came over. We hung with him, played pool, and had a good time. Laura and Tyler FINALLY came, and I was soooo happy to see herrrr!! Hehe. We exchanged a few presents and she got me this pretty shirt and belt, but the belt doesn't fit because I'm too fat. LOL. Just kidding. But it really doesn't fit so I have to get a new one =[ Tyler got me this cool looking purse. Me and him are good again and I'm glad. It was too long of us not talking =D Laura and I watched Gothika last night. Good Christmas movie, I know. Hah. It was good.. Pretty scary, well jumpy. Me and her were holding onto each other. We went to the bathroom together TWICE. lol. We're sillyyyyy. We finally went to bed around 4AM after almost scaring ourselves to death. I finally drifted of to sleep to her talking.. So she might have to repeat everything she said to me past 4 o'clock. Today Grandpa came! He was good this time and I enjoyed his stories about the pickle factory. We opened the rest of our presents and we all got an AIRHOCKEYTABLE!! Who wants to come over and play?! Tonight I talked to Mikey on the phone for [edit] THREE and a half hours! Very sweet guy, definitely makes me smile. Yeah so I had a good past few days. Merry Christmas everyone! And Happy Birthday Abby! I love you all!
|
|
| I don't want another pretty face.. |
[23 Dec 2004|03:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pleased |
] |
So Tuesday night I went to Lindsay picked me up. We went to Sam's club and ate all the samples.. TWICE. Lol. Poppers= yuck/hott guy/lumberjack/lumberjack's son/free refills/you gunna buy all that after sprayin' it? Good times good times. Then we went back to her house and then rollerbladed to blockbuster to get Princess Diaries 2. Saw Ms. Palma there yelling "DULCINEA!" Oh jeez. Got the movie and journeyed back to her house. Surdovel jumped outta his car, directed traffic, then hugged. It was good to see him. Got back to her house. Ate Spagetti and then watched Princess Diaries 2. Good movie I thought. Not as good as the first though. Went to bed but didn't go to bed till after 3. "Sleep tight --------" Lol -- [gotta censor it for the little ones] Woke up around 11, Lins made her famous chocolate chip pancakes, got ready and then went to Brandon mall. Shopped around, she got my Christmas present and I got part of hers. Went back home and got ready and then went out to dinner with Vonny at Tito's place. [Pizza Supreme] Went home around 9:30. Fun times at Lindsay's. How I love her. ♥
EDIT:
<.added.>Oh and Monday night I went to Jason's show. Hung out with Kellen and bigger Lokuta. Saw my husband there. And yeahhh. Pictures later of my week so far.<./added.>
|
|
| No one can hurt you now.. |
[20 Dec 2004|03:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weak |
] |
It's so hard to choke back the tears and be strong when you just want to let it all out..
|
|
| So sleep child.. |
[19 Dec 2004|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
Hmm.. Let's see. The last week hasn't been very exciting. Exams = boring. I got a B on Chemistry Honors, an A on Spanish 2 and a B on World History Honors. Good for me =] I don't think I did too good on Algebra 2 H and English 2 H, which is weird because Math is usually my strongest subject. But whatever. Things change I suppose. Went shopping with Laura and her dad yesterday. That was good. I got my mommy's Christmas present ♥ Wednesday was the Christmas Presentation at Idlewild which was AWESOMELY done! And Thursday was Christmas to Remember which was very moving. It felt good to give. Today I went to Sunday School, Late Service, and Evening Service. All was good. Chloe and I plan to go Boy Shopping in the near future because! We need boys. Today Laura, Tyler, Chad and Bobert went to Uncle Donny's to goof around. Laura pushed me on the swing and I did the same. We jumped on the trampoline and had a wonderful time. I want plans for this week! SoO.. Tell me if you want to do something. =] Tomorrow night I'm probably going to Jason's show. At least I hope I am <3
|
|
| beautiful ♥ |
[12 Dec 2004|09:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drowsy |
] |
Yesterday I had the worst headache. I took a two hour nap and woke up and it was gone. I did more for World History and then watched "Saved". Megan brought it over. =] Headache came back. NO FUN. I went to bed and woke up this morning for church. Went and had a good time. Walked to Big Church with Macy and he let me wear his jacket. What a gent. <3 Then I went home and went to the two librarys looking for a book. Came home and worked on my paper for a loong long time and didn't do it right. Headache's been back. Oh joy. Going to bed now.. Good night
|
|
| so I will just let go |
[11 Dec 2004|01:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
Haven't updated in a looong time, so here it goes.
Last Friday, Casey came over ♥ We talked, ate and watched "Elf". =] Good movie. Saturday my Aunt and Uncle from Indiana came over! I haven't seen my uncle in forever and I was so happy to see him =] We went out grocery shopping and out to eat. It was a nice, relaxed day <3 Sunday I went to sunday school and big church. That was good as always. Afterwards, Aunt Julie, my mom and I went to the mall. I got my birthday and Christmas presents from Aunt Julie. Lots of clothesss!! Oh how I love clothes! Sunday night at church, I did something stupid that I regret, but let's not get into that. I'm over it, I'm over HIM. Monday was school and then they came over again later that night. Tuesday was dance. Wednesday, no church just hung out around the house doing exam reveiws. Siiigh. Thursday my mom picked me up from school in 5th period and I went to the beach because my aunt and uncle were there. That was soooo much fun! The beach in December.. That's Florida for ya. Go figure. lol. I got attacked by seagulls which was scary. haha. Then we went out to eat and fed a buncha catfish and saw the food chain go into effect with the birds and fish. Yesterday they came over again. It was their last day in Florida. Boy am I going to miss them! I can't wait to see them again ♥ Today I have to write a paper for English and study for exams and stuff. Tomorrow's church and Jack has a "surprise" for me, so I HAVE to go. Haha. I'm so stressed about exams, I have the worst headache. I can't wait till they're over.
|
|
| I'm against myself again.. |
[27 Nov 2004|01:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
Wow.. Some people just amaze me. It's unbelievable.
Didn't end up doing anything Wednesday. Jim couldn't come. Oh well.
Thursday I ventured on the long journey to Naples and oh lemme tell you it was a long one. We had to wake up at 6AM, then stopped to get McDonalds and then I went to sleep and woke up when we got there. Good stuff. Got to my uncle's house then me and my brother went with him to pick up the food. He let me drive and I actually did pretty good. =] Watched this movie of when my mom was a little girl. Me and her were a lot alike. We hung out there for a while then my dad picked me up to go to my grandma's house. I got there and I got to see all my cool family =] I had SO much fun that day. I love my dad's side. They're sooo much fun! I was laughing the whole time. ♥ I didn't want to leave =[
The next morning we went back over there to say goodbye. I hope to see them all again really soon! Then me and Michele went shopping =] Got some cute winter stuff. Then we went home and had pizza and watched Van Helsing. <-[Casey and Hopey ♥]
Today I don't know what I'm doing. I have TONS of homework that I haven't done yet so maybe I should start that. But I'm too lazy. Hopefully I can go driving. =]=] Two more months till I'm 16!
|
|
| Live your life for those you love |
[24 Nov 2004|02:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
This week was pretty good. Two days of school = AWESOME. Lauren and I BOTH got 105% on our World History test that we studied for together. It raised my grade about 4 points and now I have a 76.55% in there. =] I think the highest I'll get is a B and that's fine with me! Last night I went to Joey's surprise party. That was fun. I started out Bowling 00-00 and then I ended up getting strikes and spares! Hehe. Me and Chels rode motorcyles and played air hockey and well.. Just played in the arcade. Mandy and Chloe finally came there later on. We had sex, smoked some weed, downed a few beers, you know, the usual. Nah we just chilled and talked and yeah. I even got to share another seat with Chloe. SCORE. Oh yes. Haha. Well. Jim is supposed to come over later on today, hopefully that works out. =] All I've been doing is cleaning today, I need some excitement in my life. ♥
|
|
| Never meant to waste your time |
[21 Nov 2004|05:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
Well.
Last night I dyed my hair.
It's too red..
I hope it will fade.
Maybe I just have to get used to it.
Me and Laura took pictures.
We lost our touch.
=[
Gator's won!
[like everyone didn't know]
Oh yes.
Church this morning.
Good discussion.
Kinda off topic, but oh well.
It was still good.
Went to late service with Chelsea, Chloe and Mandy.
That was fun.
Mandy only cares about herself.
She wants all the attention to be on her.
Gosh Mandy, you're such a horrible person.
NOT!
They don't know what they're saying.
Kids these days.
I tell ya.
This kid's party is Tuesday.
I'm in charge of bringing the Keg.
Everyone wants MillerLite.
Everyone meaning Chloe.
Haha.
Just Kidding.
Lauren came over around 1.
Alex bought her ice cream last night!!
HOW SWEET!!
I want a boy =[
One that will bring me ice cream.
lol.
We studied.
Or tried to.
Lauren and her ADD.
I'm no better.
Haha.
I have this..
And this..
I don't have this..
I drove here.
I know.
How do you know?
Because you told me.
Really?
Yeah.
I had so much fun today.
I laughed a lot
Just being stupid..
Yeaaaah.
Lauren's fun =]
That's about it!
♥
|
|
| Let you turn me inside out... |
[19 Nov 2004|09:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
Soo.. I went to Fusion. Alexa didn't come till it was over. It was very awkward.. For all of us. I didn't talk. I couldn't. Not without crying. I cried the second she left. It hurts just to see her.. To see what she's become and how she denies it all. How she just rides it off like it's "no big deal". I guess we are no big deal.. I guess her friends are no big deal and what we say/think/feel doesn't matter. I miss the old her, and I knew that whoever she was tonight was only going to be temporary. That as soon as she went back to her other friends she would change back into the "new" Alexa. A sorry goes out to her. I didn't mean to act like I did, it just really hurts to see you.. And I couldn't get the words out..
|
|
| Don't leave me all alone down here.. |
[19 Nov 2004|05:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
Sunday night went to the Dodgeball game at Grace Family Church. It was cool.. I saw a lot of people from school/church. I went with Zach and then met up with Chloe and Mandy later on. Tuesday night was the Fall Banquet. It was pretty fun.. Didn't get any awards. Next year I will though. ;] I had fun in Cross Country and met a lot of cool people so that's all that matters. We got progress reports too. I got a C- =/ 2 B's and the rest A's. I'm really disappointed in myself. =[ Wednesday I went to church. Oh my gosh. Zach was being the biggest jerk. Oh well. Talked to Mandy on the phone. Thursday I went to tutoring with Mr Richardson. Casey was there.. Boy was that awkward. I miss her so much.. Then I came home and ran two miles with my brother. It felt good to run. I took a shower and talked to Jim. We hadn't talked for awhile and I figured it was time to change that. Tonight I might go to fusion but I don't know if I can face seeing Alexa.. I'd cry.. So much. She doesn't realize how she's hurt all of us. I miss the old her..
|
|
| Discovery Weekend! ♥ |
[14 Nov 2004|02:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
compassionate |
] |
This weekend was Discovery Weekend. All I can say is AWESOME. I'm so glad that I went.. I made a lot of new friends or I got to know them better =] It was great. Pictures lada.
Friday we had two study sessions, then just hung out with everyone afterwards. Katie, Lauren, Chelsea and I ended up sleeping in the room with Ro, after getting scared by a knight in the corner. The next morning we woke up, ate, did another session and then collected cans for a service project. Went back home, watched Shrek 2 and Bend it Like Beckham. I fell asleep, looong night. We all took showers and then went to the concert at Buchanan. It was a band called "6th Hour" and OHMYGOSH they were awesome =]=] I loved them. ♥
"They" came in the place with OUR jackets on. We were mad.. They went through our stuff. We had no idea what was in store for us.. After we went to Sonic and I sat on Chloe's bladder, and she felt something wet, we got to the house, went straight to the room and our jaws dropped. All of our stuff was all over, scattered all over the room. We sorted it all out and it didn't take too long, but boy do they have something coming. They also seran wrapped Ro's car and put vaseline and rice on it. They got in trouble for that, but whatever. It's something you do at these things, it was expected.
Lauren and I talked for a looong time, and I'm glad she opened up to me =] I feel we defintely got closer this weekend. Mandy and I stayed up till 3AM talking. We finally drifted away. Lauren like spazed out when she was sleeping and said "who, what, where, when, why" in her sleep while looking around. It was cute. Umm.. Today we woke up and went to church at buchanan and then to big church. I went grocery shopping after and saw a lot of people I knew working there.. As always. Now I'm home and I'm guna take a nap cuz I've had no sleep. I should exercise too cuz we all know we gained 100 pounds.
|
|
| are you faking.. |
[12 Nov 2004|04:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
So this week has been.. Ummm interesting.
KC has a "new" g/f. Doesn't talk to me at all anymore. I used to get a little hey, now I just get a sarcastic smile. Whatever.
Wednesday I went to church. It was a good message. Zach wasn't there though =[ siiiiigh. Oh well. After church I hung out a little while and then went home. Packed my stuff, ate, and went to Lindsay's house. I got there and we ran to Publix and bought ice cream and candy. Yuuum. It was like 1.5 miles there and 1.5 miles back. We didn't stop on the way there or back. Yay =] Then we just hung around and talked and then watched Mean Girls but I was out. I love that movie too and I didn't get to watch it.. I fell asleep within the first 5 minutes. It was sad. Then we both went to bed around 2AM and woke up the next morning by her mommy barging in at 9. We stayed in bed for a little while, then got up and ate. She took a shower and I went back to sleep. We got ready and left around 11 to go to the beach. Got there around 12:30 and walked reaaaaally far. Saw this cool "sand-dragon" lol. Stayed for a while, it was nice. We were gunna get Henna tattoos, but the lady wasn't there =[ They dropped me off at my mommy's work at like 4:30 and I waited for her there. I went home, took a shower and got ready to go to a meeting for discovery weekend. Got there and ate yummy food. Hung out and talked with a lot of people. It was fun. I like my group =] This weekend is going to be fuuuun. I can't wait to get to know the girls. =D Afterwards Ashley came over for a little bit and then her mom came and picked her up. I went to bed around 10 and woke up late today. Went to school and now I'm here. Tonight's the first day of discovery weekend so I better go get ready and packed. I'll talk to all you guys Sunday.
|
|
| I've been down this road before and I find that it points me right back to you |
[08 Nov 2004|06:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
Aww.. Too sweet♥
This is for the fellazz out there:
Hold her hand whenever you get the chance.
Pick flowers for her.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Introduce her to your friends as the greatest girl you know.
Take her everywhere, show her off.
Make her laugh.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Hold her.
Kiss her forehead.
Call her often, even if it's just to say hi.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Give her piggy-back rides.
Give her space if she needs it.
When she's sad, or sick, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if she's not saying anything.
Look into her eyes when you talk to her or even when you don't.
Slow dance with her.. Hold her close.
Kiss her in the rain.
And above all, when you fall in love with her, tell her..
How perfect </3>
|
|
| I stand with a blank expression |
[07 Nov 2004|04:21pm] |
|
001) What time are you starting this? 4:21
002) Name?: Ashley
003) Date of birth?: January 15th
004) Sex?: Girl
005) Height?: 5'8 and 3/4
006) Eye color?: Brown
007) Weight?: 140
008) Location?: Lutz
009) Where were you born?: Tampa
012) Do you have crush on someone?: Duh
013) Do you have a bf/gf?: No
014) If so, what is their name: --
015) How long have you been together?: --
016) What are you wearing right now?: Lindsay's shirt and a skirt
017) Would you have sex before marriage?: Probably
018) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: Not that I can remember lol
020) Do you smoke?: No
021) Do you drink?: No
022) Are you ghetto?: I'm geh-oh dawg. I swu
023) Are you a player?: Nope.
024) What are your favorite colors?: Black
025) What is your favorite animal?: Dog
026) Do you have any birthmarks?: yes
027) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: Nope
028) Who is your best friend?:
029) Have you ever beat someone up? No
030) Who do you talk to most on the phone?: I duno?
031) Have you ever been slapped?: By Laura
032) Do you get online a lot?: On the weekends
033) Are you shy or outgoing?: Shy around people I don't know and outgoing around the people I do
034) Do you shower?: Everyday
035) Do you hate school?: The work part
036) Do you have a social life?: Yes
037) How easily do you trust people?: I do till proven wrong. Once it's gone, it's gone.
038) Have you ever lied to your bestfriends?: I guess
039) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: Nahh
040) Would you ever sky dive?: Of course
041) Do you like to dance?: Yeah
068) Have you ever been out of state?: Yeah
069) Do you like to travel?: I don't like long boring carrides with parents
071) Have you ever been suspended from school?: No
071) Do you want to get out of your hometown? Nah
072) Are you spoiled?: I don't think so.
073) Are you a brat?: I can be
074) Have you ever been dumped?: Twice
075) Have you ever gotten high?: No
076) What's your favorite alcoholic drink?: Don't drink
077) Do you like Snapple?: I don't know
078) Do you drink a lot of water?: Yes
079) What toothpaste do you use?: Cresty!
080) Do you have a cell phone or pager?: Cell
081) Do you have a curfew?: Not a set one, but I can't be out late lol
082) Who do you look up to?: umireallydontknow
083) Are you a role model?: Yeah, I think I am
085) What name brand do you wear the most?: No idea
086) What kind of jewelry do you wear?: Earrings and a necklace
087) What do you have pierced?: my ears, 3 times
088) What do you want pierced?: Nothing else really. More in my ears I guess
089) Do you like taking pictures?: Very much so
090) Do you like getting your picture taken?: Ehh.
091) Do you have a tan?: It's fading
092) Do you get annoyed easily?: Especially when I'm PMSing
093) Have you ever started a rumor?: No
094) Do you have your own phone/phone line?: Cell
095) Do you have your own pool?: Nope =[
096) Do you have any siblings?: Brother
097) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: Thongs
098) Have you ever been played?: Probably
099) Have you ever played anyone? No
100) Do you get along with your parents?: Sometimes
102) How do you vent your anger?: writecleantalkcrymusicsleep
103) Have you ever ran away?: Nope
104) Have you ever been fired from a job?: Never had one
105) Do you have a jobright now?: Nope
106) Do you daydream a lot?: ALLTHETIME
107) Do you have a lot of exes?: A few
108) Do you run your mouth?: In a good way
109) What do you want a tattoo of?: Nothing
110) What do you have a tattoo of?: Nothing
111) What are your favorite flowers?: Dead roses
112) What does your ex bf/gf look like?: My ex was sexy
113) What does your most recent crush look like?: Nice body, good face.
114) Have you ever been bitched out?: Nope
115) When was the last time you bitched someone out?: Never
116) Are you rude?: Can be
117) What was the last compliment you received: They liked my shirt
118) Do you like getting dirty?: It doesn't bother me
119) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie?: Innie
120) Are you flexible?: Used to be
121) What is your heritage?: irishpolishchekgerman
122) What is your lucky number?: Used to be 8. I don't think I have one anymore.
123) What does your hair look like right now?: Straight and down
124) Could you ever be a vegetarian?: No..
125) When was your last real heartbreak?: A month ago
126) Describe your looks?: Let's not go there
127) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: Lighter/darker brown
128) Would you ever date someone younger than you?: Yah I have
129) Would you ever date someone older than you?: I perfer to
130) When was the last time you were drunk?: Never
131) When was the last time you went on a date?: Umm.. No idea
135) Have you ever had an eating disorder?: No
136) Do you have one now?: Nope
137) How many rings until you answer the phone?: A lot
138) Have you ever been skinnydipping?: No.
139) If yes, when was the last time?: I said no.
140) Do you look more like your mother or father?: I think I look like my daddy
141) Do you cry a lot?: Usually but not lately =]
142) Do you ever cry to get your way?: I have before
143) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?: Oh gosh.. Um I'd rather not
144) What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: Silencew
145) Are you the romantic type?: Very much so
146) Have you ever been chased by cops?: No
147) What do you like most about your body?: Eyes
148) What do you like least about your body?: Legs
150) When was the last time you threw up?: Third grade
151) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: Brunette
152) What do the shoes you last wore look like?: High heels to church
153) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?: Yeah they all shrink
154) What about cleavage?: What cleavage?
155) Is your best friend a virgin?: Yesah
156) Have you ever fucked someone up?: No
157) Have you ever been fucked up?: No
158) What color are your underwear right now?: Pink
159) What theme does your room have?: None
160) What size shoe do you wear? 9
161) What jewelry are you wearing now?: Earrings, necklace
162) What is your screen name on AIM?: xblahxxindeedx
163) Would you pick a wedgie in public?: Nooo lol
164) How are you feeling right now?: PMS
165) apparently there's no #165...
166) Have you ever given a lapdance?: No
167) Where do you sleep?: In a bed.. Anywhere if I'm tired
168) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: Probably
169) What is one of your bad qualities?: Negative impatient flirt
170) What is one of your good qualities?: Openminded
171) Would you marry for money?: No
172) What do you drive?: Nothing
173) Have you ever given or received roadhead?: Um no.
174) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child?: Daddyyyy
175) When was the last time you cried in school?: Beginning of the year
176) Do you wear Chucks?: No.
177) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?: If I had big boobs
178) What time are you finishing this? 446
|
|
| Get Low |
[06 Nov 2004|04:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
Soo.. Last night I went over to Lindsay's house before the game. We got ready there then went to Warton. "Socialized". We WON! It was amazing. Lol. Saw Ryan D as a guy, that was nice. Went out to Bennigans afterwards. Lindz and I split this yummy chocolate thing. Then I spent the night at her house. We stayed up till 4:00AM. "GIRL TALK!!" Lol. It was great. Woke up this morning atttt.. Um, 8:30 cuz we had to babysit at 9:30. Went over there, babysat, came home at 12:30. We went to the park with the kids and I fell asleep. 4 hours is NOT enough sleep. Got changed went to the pool, ordered a pizza and worked on the tans. Oh yes. Haha. Went home around 3:30 and her mom took me home. My mom's out seein' Dr. Phil now. Hopefully tonight, movies with Britt. But I dunno if my mom's gunna let me.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vanishthememory's journal